my boyfriend is amazing. i mean, we have been together for 2 years also, and i am also 19. he is definitely not my first relationship, although he is my first serious one. about eight months ago, i began feeling really anxious, because one day, out of no where, the thought popped in my head of us breaking up and i would make myself imagine these really terrible things just to see how i would feel about them. eventually, it snowballed.
one of the reasons i began feeling that was is because i have commitment issues. i love this man more than anything in the world, but i come from a broken family. the only relationships i have ever seen have been on tv or in high school and not only did those relationships not last, they were riddled with drama. he comes from a family full of love and commitment is something that he understands. it took some explaining. i still have to remind myself that it is okay to be in love, that it is okay to commit, that it is okay to be with somebody.
second, i'm an anxious person. i grew up in my mothers house, where every small thing was the end of the world. that childhood, mixed with my fathers biology (a history of anxiety), put me at a very high risk for leading a high stress/anxiety life. i still battle it everyday.
third, i wasn't fulfilling myself in any way. i had a crappy job at the time and he was working seven days a week so we could save up to move out. not only did i not feel like i was contributing, but doing nothing will literally drive you crazy. i'm hyper attentive also (my therapist's words) and i can typically pay attention to multiple thoughts at one time which is why i need things to distract me. usually, if you think an anxious thought, if you distract yourself, then revisit it, you'll be calmer and able to think clearer.
fourth, we had lost some communication and relationship skills and had grown apart somewhat. this is a normal cycle in ALL relationships, i can tell you that. sometimes you feel like partners in crime and sometimes you get bored. we have rebuilt that and are since doing great.
fifth, we began to realize that anytime i felt like my life was going nowhere or when i became hopeless with things, i would doubt everything i was doing and question my relationship, even though there was nothing wrong with it in the first place. i just had a big thing happen to me at work today, actually, and yesterday with college, and i have been feeling so distant from him and like we have all these problems that in reality don't exist. i freak out when i feel like my life is falling apart.
sixth, every relationship goes through cycles. when you first started dating, there is the infatuation stage (and not every couple goes through this). it is literally you being high on the chemicals released in your brain. when that stage ends, you get down to the nitty gritty and get to know your partner on a deeper level. you can even look up the relationship stages, if it helps. one of the things that is completely natural is to doubt when you are evaluating whether or not you want to be with this person. sometimes, you'll regress back to different stages, sometimes you won't. every relationship is different.
last, remember that love is not actually an emotion. love is a choice, delegated by action. i do things for my boyfriend that i would never do for anybody else (at least not happily). i am encouraged to be patient and kind and to be an overall better person. if you find somebody who does that for you, that's who you want to be with. maybe one of the reasons i listed applies to you and i certainly hope it helps. it might be that you need to find help and it might be not.
good luck.
Source: http://www.uncommonforum.com/viewtopic.php?p=722951
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